i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How does one acquire holy water?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
