I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
