there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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