That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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