life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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