How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
