So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
