She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
