do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
