Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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