If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Shame - the story of my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
