I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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