people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
