My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
