I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
