Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
