Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
