why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Acid is not a monday night drug
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
