I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bring money and cleavage
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
