the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
