Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
