omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
