Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Text me some of your sweat
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