wake up i wanna do it froggy style
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
