I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
