I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
