He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize