Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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