So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Vodka?
Forever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
