Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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