you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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