I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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