He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
