Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
