did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
