I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
