I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
