his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
