Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
birth control should be required to get into college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize