you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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