can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
