I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
