just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
