I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
