needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how does that bad decision feel?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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