He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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