It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
