I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
