Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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