So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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